- There have been a string of car(truck?)jackings being pulled off by a sick street racing crew. Lots of DVD players are being stolen and this is bad. The FBI sends Brian/Paul Walker undercover because he’s a cop and used to steal cars in Tucson, AZ so he’s all “I like fast cars, bro.”
- Paul Walker starts working at a garage/car parts place because that’s where people with fast cars buy the things that make them fast and shiny.
- He gets tuna/chicken salad for lunch at the same place all the time. It just so happens to be run by Dom/Vin Diesel, Dom’s ladyfriend (Lettie/Michelle Rodriguez), and Dom’s sister (Jordana Brewster… I can’t remember the character’s name… doesn’t matter).
- Paul Walker somehow finds out about a street race happening one night and shows up. He decides he’s going to race Dom, some other person, and Ja Rule (seriously.).
- Then someone is all “Let’s race for pink slips”… this is car-talk for “whomever wins gets to keep the losers’ car.”
- Paul Walker is all “Sounds good, brah.”
- So they race and Paul Walker is seriously losing, but then he’s all “NOS to the rescue!” NOS is Nitrous Oxide which helps cars go fast.
- Paul Walker’s car starts losing parts, but he pulls ahead of the other person, Ja Rule, and then Dom.
- Dom is all HEEEEELLLLLZ NO and uses his NOS to beat Paul Walker.
- Paul Walker pulls up with his smoking car and is all “Dude, I almost had you!” while Dom was all “Brah, you never had me. You never had your car.”
- Then the cops show up and one thing leads to another soon Paul Walker is rescuing Dom from the cops. (Did I mention Dom did time in prison for almost beating a man to death with a wrench? No? Well he did. And he’s vowed to never go back.)
- Then the leader of a CrotchRocket gang make Paul Walker pull over. They’re all “something something we’re going to beat you at RaceWars.” Now this isn’t commentary on the diversity in the community or the constant battle between certain populations, he just means they’re going to be racing cars in 1-on-1 battles in a desert where the winner will win the war.
- Then the CrotchRocket gang shoots up Paul Walker’s FBI-provided car and drive away from the flaming car.
- Paul Walker and Dom are all “OH SHIT THE NOS!” and run away to catch a cab before the car explodes
- So they take the cab to Dom’s house where his crew are already having a party. This guy, we’ll call him “Scruffy,” who hates Paul Walker because Jordana Brewster likes Paul Walker’s golden locks, blue eyes, and Cool Water covered body instead of Scruffy, is all “Who brought the Bustah?” (Paul Walker is “the Bustah”) And Dom was all “The Bustah brought ME!” and takes Scruffy’s Carona (the drink of choice for these street racers) and hands it to Paul Walker who wipes off the mouth of the bottle and takes a swig.
- Now they’re BFFs, even though Paul Walker still owes Dom a 10-second car since Paul Walker’s car that he owed to Dom for losing was blown up by the guns and NOS.
- The FBI (who’s worried about Paul Walker) gives Paul Walker another car and Paul Walker gives it to Dom.
- Then there’s a whole bunch of car fixing scenes with a computer that has a hard disk drive being run by a guy (we’ll call him “Techie”) that helps them choose the color of the car and other stuff.
- Dom finally tells Paul Walker that Paul Walker is going to race in RaceWars.
- Paul Walker then thinks it’s a good idea to sneak into the garages of different street racers to see if the tires match the ones used in the truckjackings (remember those?), but Scruffy and Dom find him and hold a shotgun to his head. Scruffy is all “HE’S A COP MAN” and Dom is all “Are you a cop, [Paul Walker]?” and Paul Walker is all “Nah, Brah.” And Dom is all “What’s this about then?” and Paul Walker is all “RACEWARS, MAN!” So Dom is all “Come with me if you want to live”—sorry, wrong movie, but he does ask Paul Walker to follow him.
- They sneak into the CrotchRocket Gang’s garage to peek under their sheets (Seriously, everything was covered with sheets.). Paul Walker finds the right tires, the right cars, and the DVD players, but then the Gang gets back. Paul Walker, Dom, and Scruffy are able to hide and escape.
- The FBI is all: “Should we move on the CrotchRocket Gang?” and Paul Walker is all: “Not yet, man.” So they don’t.
- More car stuff. Scruffy and Paul Walker butt heads, some Grace gets said, and Paul Walker ends up going on a date with Jordana Brewster.
- While they’re asleep in bed together (they totes had sex), the FBI calls and is all “Hey, [Paul Walker], another truck was stolen… say ‘yes’ if you think we should move in on the CrotchRocket Gang.” And Paul Walker says “yes.” You would think they would move in immediately, but then they show Paul Walker helping them bust the Gang the next day. I guess that phone call could have waited.
- Turns out the CrotchRocket Gang had receipts for those DVD players.
- RACEWARS
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