- Dom and Letty are back to their stealing ways, but this time they’re stealing oil tankers. Not the cabs, just the cargo. They learned their lesson in The Fast and The Furious. Unfortunately, they’re now doing it at high speeds in the mountains of Mexico. It involves using liquid nitrogen to break the connectors between the tanks of oil while going down a mountain in Mexico while also trying to connect the tank to another car driving backwards. Totally safe.
- It’s not actually safe because truck drivers are catching on again (duh.).
- The truck driver they’re stealing from today (who I think drives around with his pet iguana) sees Dom driving next to the truck and starts swerving.
- Letty, who is doing the liquid nitrogen-ing, drops her hammer.
- The other crew members are able to get away, but Letty is now stuck on a swerving truck.
- The truck starts careening out of control.
- Letty manages to jump into Dom’s car before the truck driver completely abandons his truck (clutching his iguana, of course).
- But now they’re at a dead end and this flipping oil tanker truck is coming at Dom’s car.
- Letty is freaking, but Dom is all “I got this.”
- Dom’s got this and he manages to time it so the flaming tanker truck flips right over them.
- So Dom, Letty, and their crew go party and celebrate.
- This is when you realize that yeah, the guy driving one of the trucks earlier who you thought was Han, but there’s no way Han could be driving the truck because you just saw Han die in “Tokyo Drift” actually was Han—they just put them in the wrong order. This is why I told you you don’t actually need to know anything about “Tokyo Drift.”
- Dom tells the crew that the police are catching on and are going to be putting in some extra effort to chase the crew down, so he hands them their earnings and tell them to head off into the sunset.
- Dom and Han have a one-on-one and Han says “I’m thinking of heading to Tokyo. I hear they’re doing some crazy stuff there.” This is where any true Fast & Furious Franchise fan squeals with delight.
- Then Dom and Letty have a one-on-one. He’s all “If they find you with me, they’ll punish you even more than if they find you alone.” And she’s all “We’ll make it work, Dom, we always do.” (But she says it in this super weird awkward way and makes this weird face. It’s such an awkward scene.)
- They go to sleep, but Dom slips out in the night leaving Letty a stack of cash and his favorite diamond cross.
- Time passes (I forget how they signify this).
- Dom gets a phone call on a payphone in whatever country he’s hiding in. It’s Jordana Brewster. He yells at her for calling him. She tells him Letty died.
- Now we’re back in California and Paul Walker is chasing a bad guy.
- Then we see Paul Walker PARKOUR!
- Paul Walker catches the bad guy while destroying someone’s farmer’s market stand and brings him into FBI headquarters.
- Yeah, Paul Walker is now an FBI agent.
- There’s another BadGuy [UPDATE: BadGuy's name is Braga] who is using street racers to smuggle cocaine across the US/Mexico border and the FBI is on his case, but they don’t know what BadGuy looks like. The guy Paul Walker just caught with PARKOUR gave them a lead.
- Unfortunately, Letty was one of those street racers and she died in the process.
- Paul Walker goes to Letty’s funeral and asks Jordana Brewster out for coffee after
- Paul Walker tells Jodana Brewster to stay away from Dom and to tell Dom to stay away.
- Jordana Brewster goes home and finds Dom in her garage.
- They talk and Jordana Brewster tells Dom to be careful.
- Dom goes to where Letty died and smells the NOS or something. Apparently there’s only one person who installs it anymore.
- IT’S SCRUFFY! Scruffy installed it. Scruffy isn’t excited to see Dom. Dom threatens to crush Scruffy with an engine block if Scruffy doesn’t talk. Scruffy talks.
- Paul Walker’s lead pans out and he goes to talk to the guy. Dom gets there first and Paul Walker finds Dom hanging the guy out the window.
- Some words were had. The guy talks. Dom escapes.
- Paul Walker brings the guy to the FBI and now it’s decided Paul Walker should go undercover as a street racer again (BECAUSE THAT WORKED SO WELL THE FIRST TIME)
- The FBI gives Paul Walker yet another car (well, he gets a bunch from impound and combines them into one awesome NOS-filled car) and Paul Walker goes and tries out to be one of the BadGuy’s street racers.
- Paul Walker goes to this awesome multi-story driving range (as in golf, not cars) in the middle of the city where BadGuy’s staff are finding new street racers. (We’ll call them “Henchman1,” “Tall Girl,” and “Scorpio”)
- Uh oh, Dom’s there too.
- Henchman1 tells them they have to race to see who the final member of the team will be. We meet one of the other people and he’s totally weird. We’ll call him “Country.”
- Henchman1 tells them the team will be involved in moving some materials from point A to point B for him and Dom is all “What are we moving?” and Scorpio is all “None of your business. A driver doesn’t have to know what he’s driving.” And Dom is all “Don’t be a jerk.” Henchman1 tells them to calm down.
- TallGirl takes everyone’s driver’s license and hands them a GPS unit which will tell them the route and destination.
- LET’S RACE.
- They race. The roads aren’t closed, so they have to drive through regular traffic. Paul Walker ends up off track and has to drive down a huge embankment. He apologizes to his car before doing it, which I think is very considerate of him.
- Paul Walker is winning, but then Dom cheats. Paul Walker is angry because now he isn’t on the team. Dom gloats.
- Country makes fun of Paul Walker’s car. BIG MISTAKE.
- Everyone goes home.
- The next day, the FBI break into Country’s home where he’s making foot fetish videos and dressed like KidRock. Paul Walker plants drugs on him. The FBI is all “that’s not going to stick” and Paul Walker is all “It’s not supposed to.”
- Paul Walker is now on the BadGuy’s racing/transport team.
- Henchman1 invites the team to hang out at his dance club/bar (B.T.Dubs, what’s with all the bad guys owning clubs/bars?)
- Dom tells Henchman1 that Paul Walker used to date his sister. Henchman1 tells Paul Walker he’s lucky to be alive.
- Paul Walker goes off and follows Henchman1 who goes to talk to BadGuy. We can’t see BadGuy, but we see the two of them sharing a drink. Paul Walker takes their glasses back to the FBI.
- Dom is sneaking off on his own to go check out the cars. TallGirl finds him and hits on him. Dom is all, I like a girl who is part angel and part devil. TallGirl is all “That sounds nothing like me” and Dom is all “It wasn’t.”
- Dom finds the car of the person who caused Letty to crash—turns out it was that jerk Scorpio.
- Everyone goes home.
- GAME TIME.
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